


ch; Ayumi Shirogane

by Starlight_Fireon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-13 01:57:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21486454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Fireon/pseuds/Starlight_Fireon
Summary: Ayumi is one of my best friends characters who I write for sometimes; it's hardly ever fluff
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laraceleste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laraceleste/gifts).

> Ayumi is one of my best friends characters who I write for sometimes; it's hardly ever fluff

Ayumi has known nothing but pain in her life. Losing everything she’s ever loved, everyone she’s ever cared for. Everything she has ever touched has gotten destroyed. 

It’s starting to make her think that she’s the cause of her own suffering, a bastardized version of King Midas’s curse. Instead of turning everything she touched into gold; she turned everything into ruin. Death. 

A Midas touch that brought only death, fitting. With the amount of blood that stains Ayumi’s hands, whether by her choice or not. Death clung to her like a second skin, ingrained into her very being. The smell of blood still clings to her, a grim perfume of what’s she’s done. In order to survive. To live.

_ If you call what she does as living. Waking up in a cold sweat nightly, biting through her lip. Holding back a scream. Her nails digging into the palms of her hands, drawing even more blood. Hyperventilating as she tries to calm herself down; reminding herself that she was not in the Coliseum anymore. That she was the safest she could get in the cold vacuum of space, distant from the people she once called a family. It’s existing, nothing more.  _

_ Ayumi’s a cold, broken echo of who she once was. A pale imitation of the girl she was before she left Earth. The girl who didn’t have the taste of blood in her mouth; the girl who didn’t know what’s the quickest way to kill a man. To show them an ounce of mercy that’s never been shown to her. Mercy that never will be. _

_ _ She wondered how long until her touch killed Keith, Shiro, Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Allura… Their eventual deaths will be on her hands, she knows they will. She will lose them as well.

_ She already has, it’s not hard to notice Shiro’s hesitance around her. The way he acts around her, always on guard. He watches her like a hawk, expecting at any moment she’s going to snap and try and kill them all. Coating The Castle of Lions in blood. He acts like he didn’t do the same to survive, he killed just as many as she did. He acted better than she is, even though he’s the reason why she suffered as she did. He was the reason she was in space, that the Galra captured her; turned her into a monster. A killer. _

_ A blood-covered monster that wore the face of a girl who was once his sister. _

It would be better if she left, she knows it would be. Leaving the Castleship was always there in the back of her mind; a faint whisper. The last part of her, the selfish and unbroken part, kept her there. Dangling the tantalizing hope of everything going back to the way it was. That Keith would come back to her side. Leave the Blade of Mamora for her.

_ A stupid idea, Keith already left. Making it obviously clear he wasn’t coming back. He left her, again, without so much as a goodbye. But, then again, what else is new about that. He always left her behind, this wasn’t new.  _

If Ayumi flipped a coin, heads she stayed, tails she left. She wondered what it would land on, or would the coin turn to ruin as everything else she has touched does. Rusting away into nothing in her hand as she flipped it. 


	2. Chapter 2

keith grasps for ayumi's hand, her fingers slipping from his grasp as she fell. she doesn't scream as she falls, she doesn't scream much anymore.

_ (she screams at night, the nightmares waking her up in a cold sweat, the suffocating feeling of being back in the arena weighing down on her. the feeling of blood on her hands, the taste of it her mouth.) _

she falls, her body breaking against the ground. she's been in pain before, the arena, shiro, disappearing, leaving her alone after he promised never to. keith leaving her, time and time again. apologizing each time but turns and does it again. her breathing is shallow, blood is seeping into her lungs, suffocating her. drowning her. she lets out a broken, bloodied laugh. she's thought of how she would die a million times. but, she never thought about this.

she should have, keith losing his grip on her, her hands slipping through his fingers like water or sand. it's happened before. but perhaps, it was her who slipped through keiths fingers

maybe she didn't hold on tight enough to him. maybe... maybe if she tried harder she would have gotten him to stay, maybe. maybe if she tried hard enough, was good enough he would have stayed. he would have held on tighter to her because he loved her? right? he did once, ayumi knows he did. he loved her. he loved her more than words could describe. but... he didn't stay. no one stays in ayumi's life. no matter how hard she clings on to them, begging them silently to stay. to be with her. they leave. they leave her alone and scared, and so, so very cold.


	3. in a field of wildflowers, peace is found

For as long as Ayumi spent in the Arena, she never thought about how she would die. She’d figure it was already set in stone; she would lose a fight and die. Finally. For the longest time it was set in stone, her blood would coat the Arena’s floor.

She never thought she would die in a field of wildflowers; her blood staining the grass like Adonis. It’s a peaceful place to die, no war raging around her, just peace. Just beauty. She was undeserving of being in a place like this, being surrounded by such unadulterated beauty. Untouched by the war that raged around the Galaxy. She does not deserve the moment of peace and beauty that dying here provided. 

She laid there in the wildflower field, staring off into the horizon. Watching as the sunset on her for the very last time. Blood coating the inside of her mouth, overwhelming her sense with the taste, smell of iron. 

There are worse places to die, Ayumi supposes. It could be worse than a field of lilac wildflowers blowing in a gentle breeze against a backdrop of the sun setting. A small final piece of peace, her dying in the field instead of some raging battlefield. One where her body would be trampled upon in the firefight ended. 

Her vision started to fade to black, as it got harder and harder for her to breathe. And out of the corner of her eye, she could see her blood staining a snow-white flower crimson. Before it faded out of sight, disappearing into the darkness. 

It was a gift, the Universe giving her this peaceful death in a sea of flowers. An apology to her for making her fight for so very long without a chance of reprieve.

And as Ayumi closed her eyes for the final time, she breathed and smiled. For the first time in years, she has gotten the chance of peace, of rest. Her fight’s over now, she gets to rest now. 

_ In a sea of wildflowers, under a starlight night sky. Ayumi Shirogane got the chance to rest, to be at peace. _


End file.
